Monday, December 19, 2011

My Confession

Do you remember when I stared writing the blog again? I told you about some things that had been going on; Dave had to have treatments for his cancer, my dear friend, Pat had surgery for cancer, another dear friend Jason, had an accident when a 5,000 pound safe fell on his leg, and I had surgery. Things have gotten some better, we are waiting on results from tests for Dave's cancer, and prayerfully we will get the results this week on Dave.

The one that I am writing about is my surgery I had in October. Everything went great, it was a successful surgery and so far nothing has gone wrong. I prayed about this surgery as I didn't really want to have it but after praying about it for sometime the Lord God told me everything was going to be fine and there was nothing to worry about, after all isn't worry the lack of faith? I wished that I could say everything went fine after that but I can't. I still didn't want the surgery so in my small mind that it is :( I got myself to thinking, if something would happen to my foot or something I wouldn't have to go through with the surgery as then I would have something else bothering me.

You know, the Lord already knew I didn't want to have the surgery so why didn't I just talk to him about it and ask Him what to do? He was there to talk to me and help me out through this but no, I didn't talk to him I just thought I had figured away to keep from having the surgery. What an injustice I did to the Lord and myself?

You see, even though I didn't pray for something to happen I did suggest it and I truly believe Satan jumped at the change to have a field day with me. I Peter 5:8; ...because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour": We should never allow something to catch the eye of him that wants to destroy us and this is what I did.

I have spent the biggest part of the last two weeks in bed trying to keep the swelling and pain down in my foot and leg. I went to the doctor after I got home from the hospital and he said it was Cellulites so he treated me for this. I was allergic to the medicine he gave me so there was another hurdle to get over. I finally went to my family care doctor and she said she thought physical therapy might help, that isn't working, and the swelling and pain got so bad that I had to stop that. The doctor finally decided to do blood work so now we are waiting for the results of this. She thinks it might be Gout (oh, to me that sounds like such a dirty name) but is afraid Cellulites might set in.

What I am getting at here is I should have taken the concern of not wanting to have the surgery to God, He had told me everything would be fine and I believed Him and knew the surgery would go well I just didn't want to have it. The surgery would save me some pain and discomfort after it was over and in the long run I would be much better off. Don't take just part of your problems and concerns to the Lord, take them all to Him. God knows all about what is bothering us and He waits for us to go to Him. If I had done this in the first place He would have helped me through this feeling and given me peace and comfort. I Peter 5:7; "Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you". In that verse it says ALL your care upon Him not just one or two cares but ALL. I didn't do this so I have caused myself undue pain, no one else has caused it and I opened up the door for Satan to jump right in.

If you have any cares, concerns, or troubles please take them ALL to the Lord not just part of them as I have done. God is waiting for you to do this just as He was waiting for me to take them all to Him but I didn't do it.

This is my confession of what I should have done and what I did. This is very embarrassing for me as I knew better than to take just part of my cares to the Lord but should it help anyone that may have a similar problem, it is worth the embarrassment. I have asked the Lord to forgive me for this and I know that He has but there are consequences to pay for my act. There is no way to undo the fact that I didn't go to the Lord with all my concerns but I know I have learned that stopping in the middle is not the thing to do.

May you always know the love, joy, and peace of the Lord!


Kandi said...


I think we all struggle with this, I know I do. Even when we have a deep connected relationship with the Lord it is still difficult at times to hand it over to Him, somehow we think that if we worry and try to take care of things on our own we somehow accomplish more than if we let God take care of it. Prayers for you during your recovery and glad you are doing well, praise God and Merry Christmas.



Debi said...

I know you didn't want to have the surgery, but I don't think I realized how badly you didn't want to have it. I am so sorry. I truly believe that the enemy did jump at the chance to try to steal what God meant for good. That's his way, you know. I also know that this thing with your foot will pass. It is definitely a learning time for you. God has allowed you to go through this to help you trust Him more completely!

I love you and I pray that your foot will be healed completely and quickly!

Jenifer said...

I pray each day for your foot and your healing as well as Papa's. I do think that we need to learn to take ALL of our issues to God first. That can be so hard sometimes. Thank you for your transparency and encouragement. I love you!!

pinks said...

Thank you for sharing this amazing story of pain. God is going to heal that foot and leg. He knew your disobedience before you did and is now using it to minister to us. Thank you again.

Be with Deane in a mighty way. She trusts, but the fear and inconvenience got in the way. Smooth her fears and take her guilt. She is forgiven. Remind her that You hold her protectively in Your arms. Put Your healing hands on her body and heal her physically. Thank You for giving her the courage to share this story... a story of faith.

In Jesus name,

Phather Phil Malmstrom said...

This is something I believe we all struggle with Deane, but God knows your heart, and how you were going to react long before you did. I pray that your pain subsides quickly, and that God's healing touch makes you whole in short order.

Have a Blessed Day!